And the same thought yet again...

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to go to the supermarket to buy the gifts I didn't manage to buy earlier. When I saw all the people there, I started to complain to myself: 'It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other places to go...' Christmas really is getting more and more annoying every year. How I wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake up after it was over. I started to curse the prices, wondering if kids really play with such expensive toys. While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years old pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of the doll and looked so sad. I wondered who this doll was for. Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: 'Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?' The old lady replied: 'You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.' Then she asked him to stay here for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I started to walk towards him and asked who he wanted to give this doll to. 'It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her, after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can not bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mother so that she can give it to her when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy say that Mummy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that she could bring the doll with her to give it to my sister'. My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mummy not to go yet. I asked him to wait until I come back from the supermarket' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me: 'I also want mummy to take this photo with her so that she will not forget me.' 'I love my mummy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few bills and said to the boy. What if we checked again, just in case if u have enough money?' 'Ok' he said. 'I hope that I have enough.' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll, and even some spare money. The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money' then he looked at me and added: 'I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mummy can give it to my sister. He heard me' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mummy, but I didn't dare to ask God too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and the white rose.' 'You know, my mummy loves white roses.” A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my trolley. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck who hit a car where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy in mind, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away. I couldn't stop myself and went to buy a bunch of white roses and I went to the mortuary where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wish before burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to that day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunken man had taken all this away from him.

I just read this, a forward in my mailbox. I have tears in my eyes as I think, "When you really love someone it hurts so much to see them go away."

In Full Blown Technicolor...!

Life seemed dull and unexciting on the deck; everyone just seemed to be black and white. She unlocked the door and entered… walked inside in full blown Technicolor. The ambiance changed and she kindled life into everyone, everyone wanted to share a moment with her. She had that vibe about her, a strong spark that emanated a sense of achievement, high spirit, laughter, happiness, undying passion and all things good, all things desirable! She felt good, she felt elated, she was wondering why till some time ago and now she knew… she was back, back to what she had always been. She was once again her old self. Someone she loved and missed so much and the love showed!

It had been the season for break ups – some of her close friends, some people she just knew… and she herself had parted ways with someone she loved so much! Yea it had been a season for break ups, tears, confusion but truth be told she had recovered faster than she imagined… no she dint quite fall out of love with that special someone in her life… she just accepted things as they are, wished him the best she could and moved on with more faith than ever before… She had not felt such elation in the recent months. All the worries and sadness seemed secondary… unimportant. She knew there would be someone special in her life, she would marry and have a great loving family but that was all in the future… for now she was happy with everything she had done.

There were no regrets – she knew that to plan a destiny with someone both people involved needed to be equally committed and that wasn’t the case… She wasn’t dismayed by the goodbye. She knew farewells are necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends. So she had charted her course, steered her ship and embarked on an exciting cruise! She knew what she had to do… and she was quite excited about it… she could feel a rush of power, a thrill she had longed for since long was now running through her veins… she knew that things would never be the same again.

Momentarily, she pushed aside these thoughts; resumed meeting the people she knew, acknowledged the presence of some insignificant others and slowly walked up to the window with a drink in her hand. In the distance she saw a group of dolphins dancing and prancing and smiled, she was racing ahead of everything else; everyone else and she could not help raise her glass and say “Cheers!” to acknowledge them, her and the way ahead!

Have You?

Have you ever sat next to someone – someone you love, someone you really care about, someone who you think of most of the times, someone who takes precedence in your life over all others, someone with whom you have shared your mind, body and soul; Have you? She has.

And have you spent moments of utter joy, laughter, naughtiness, spoken lines that maybe only two of you would understand??? Have you ever been hugged by that person who also told you that ‘I never want this to end?’ She has.

Have you been called one early morning by him from work and when you ask him (surprised that he called in between work!), “What are you doing?”, the most adorable and unforgettable reply that you could have ever heard is said – “I am missing you!”. Enough to sweep you off your feet and leave you in a dreamy daze! She has.

And have you ever received text messages where every message ignited passion like you have never known. A turn on yes that’s what every message has been – and you would never have thought that someone could be as passionate and mischievous in love. You see a whole new world and love it. She has.

And have you sat next to the same person – someone you love, someone you really care about, someone who you think of most of the times, someone who takes precedence in your life over all others, someone with whom you have shared your mind, body and soul; and realized that his loyalty is and has always been somewhere else. Have you felt all that you shared with him probably never meant enough to him ever? That he was always prepared to move on without you and you were too blinded by love to see that. She has.

So what, if today she sits next to the same person and feels like everything was maybe just a phase, maybe just a lie, maybe never meant to be, maybe just a fling… she is strong and knows that her honesty and loyalty and undying support will soon be his discomfort and soon her indifference will be his biggest defeat. She doesn’t want to hurt him or bruise his ego but after everything that’s been done; maybe he leaves her no other choice. She is not perfection nor does she claim to be. She reacts but she is above petty reactions, she is far too strong now to let him know that she hurts even now. She chooses to ignore or shy away rather than share her feelings with him now. She has given him one chance too many and overlooked a lot and she knows now that she has definitely had enough.