The Irrational Optimist

I was the one who shined through

The one who wasn't seen but dazzled you

With two pigtails or one

With soda-glasses spectacles that made people run

I had dreams that I knew as the only way to live

I had...have a heart that only knows how to give

I was fiery, I was bold and almost all the times I did as I was told

Until one day, I did not.

I took chances, I spoke my mind

I trusted, when there was no reason to find

They called me hopeful, like it was a bad thing to be

They said you'll be broken, shattered and will never be complete

They said it with love, they said it with care

But to me, all it sounded like was a dare.

To defy what seemed to be a foregone conclusion

To will the Universe to give people a reason

A reason to be hopeful, to believe, to see that the impossible can be!

I failed, I broke, I crumbled, I shattered

Into a million pieces or more, I do not know

All I heard were whispered, "I-told-you-so(s)"

No longer did I dazzle, no longer did I blind

No longer could I look anyone in the eye

I became someone, just another someone passing by

Left alone, with an over-active mind

To sleepless nights and eyes where the tears had dried

To a hollowness that seemed to grow 

To a sense of rejection that in me found its new home

From someone fiery & burning bright,

To someone who was a victim of her dismal plight

I did as I was told, afraid of decisions to take

Unsure of what I thought & of choices I'd make

Until one day I was not.

I was pounding on the walls I'd built inside of me

Screaming out loud just so I could hear me

Me- the real me, the one who didn't believe this is how it would be...that this is how it could be

The one who knew she was worth so much more

And the me who knew she had a long way to go

I opened my heart & I opened my mind,

Found some people, now my people, who are always by my side

It was magic and nothing less

To see angels clad in a human dress

Holding on to my flailing arms

Letting me stumble but never letting me fall

Letting people in was the hardest thing to do

Un-hiding every blemish, every scar for them to view

To judge, to analyse, to comment & to boo

But judge they did not, accept they did,

Embrace actually and with a lot of love to give

And they said I was hopeful like it was a bad thing?

For what was this if not a manifestation of that hope?

Of knowing you are wanted more than you could ever know?

Of knowing you are being watched by some ones divine,

Who'll let you live and falter but ensure you shine.

Who'll tell you the words you've been wanting to hear 

Without you having to ask or shed any tears

Who'll be your strength and also the things you fear

Because they keep it real for you while they hold you near

They'll tell you - you're the irrational optimist & that there's no other way to be

You'd rather be the good one than what the world's gotten used to see.

How often we forget...

That no matter what, people need to be given time. 

What you say and how you say it are very important. 

You cannot give up on those who you care for.

You accept those you love for who they are, flaws included. 

Your absence is felt more than you think it is. 

Even the smallest gestures matter.

It's not important to have the last word.

To think from the other person's perspective.

That it's easy to react, fret, fume but easier to smile, take a breath, relax.

To be thankful for what we have received.

That you must extend respect to another unless given a strong reason to do so otherwise.

That everyone is entitled to their opinion. You needn't agree to it but you must respect it.

That self-realisation is more powerful than any amount of convincing or coercion. 

That somethings just need to be done.

To Live & Let Live.

To Live not survive.

.... The last few weeks showed me how 

so many people have forgotten 

but more importantly how I have forgotten too. 

Not any more. 

This I promise myself. 

Of Arched Eyebrows, Diluted Drinks and Chicken.

18th March 2013.

What is life if not a series of unforgettable moments? Moments that make you laugh, make you cry, make you hope against all odds, show you how resilient you can be, reinforce your faith and beliefs, convince you that somethings are just meant to be and somethings you now would rather not have. The magic though is not in the moments alone, it is in the people who make those moments as precious! And almost every time, you realize and register these moments once they have passed, as you remember and relive them fondly or otherwise.

Last night was surreal for me. With every passing moment I knew this will be a night that I will never ever forget and I was so right!

From listening to Tiesto's mix of Gotye's "Somebody that I used to know" loud and singing along to it with him, to the mad driving, to the old style driving (left-right-left-right-left...you get the drift), to the casual conversations, to the warm embraces, to being called 'Chickens!', to whistling to the waiter, to the "Really!" to the last order, to the dilution of Teachers, to the chugging of whiskey with the side glances, to the arched eyebrows, to the attempted 90ML of Smirnoff Green Apple with Sprite, to the contradiction of the 'first time I passed out like a light', to  the tall and the small, to the squeals of laughter, to the just one drag, to the no-telling Braveheart, to the one goodbye kiss on the head....to the smiling and laughing when I remember these moments today.  

The magic of unforgettable moments is not in the moments alone, it is in the people who make those moments as precious! Real Pao and Fake Pao are very close friends of mine. One for 9 years now and another for less than 9 months but both who I love unimaginably so. To see them get along like they did and have as much fun as we did last night was in many ways a dream realised, a tad too late but a dream realised nonetheless.

When you believe in The Universe or God or any higher power like I do, you know without a doubt that whatever happens does so in your best interest always and also that thoughts become things eventually. 

I know it's cliched and preachy for most but think positive, always, you will surprise yourself. 

The Day When ...

• The day when someone who was the center of my life said goodbye, forever.
• The day when I finally for the first time took that someone's name in front of some really close friends.
• The day when someone for the very first time called me a name in frustration. Apologized, but the scar's never going away.
• The day when I couldn't see all the good I chose to believe for many years in someone anymore.
• The day when my dream shattered, my tears refused to stop, when I could feel a physical pain in me because my heart broke.
• The day when I actually felt a hollowness inside of me that refuses to go away.
• The day when I was petty enough to calculate all that I did for someone and how pointless it was.
• The day when I realized harshly that you cannot make someone a priority in your life when you can be an option in theirs.
• The day when I realized that I, an inherently impatient person, had been patient for 7 long tumultuous years and that it's ridiculous, I don't want to be patient ever again.
• The day when I lost all respect for someone.
• The day when I questioned being supportive, being understanding & regrettably so, I questioned loving unconditionally.
• The day when several plans made for the near and distant future lost all meaning.

Today, May 20th 2011, is the day when life as I knew it changed forever. Someone in my life died today.

Not died literally but died as much as a person could without physically dying ... as it is in reality.

Someone died and left me all alone wondering whether anything that was ever said was genuine, whether 'promises' mean anything at all, whether loyalty & trust are just hollow words, whether happy endings are just fiction, whether such absolute compatibility and love mean nothing and whether persistence & passion are pointless whereas giving up, taking the easier way out & being selfish is how one should be?

I am not bragging but I have never met anyone as positive as I have been in life till now no matter what the circumstances. Someone who believed that trust, loyalty, love, passion, perseverance, promises aren't just words but values to live by. Today, for the first time in 28 years, I don't know what to believe in anymore.

Sanctum

To be truthful, after Avatar I wasn't really expecting much from James Camaron's Sanctum. Avatar greatly disappointed me but for the effects which after a point became monotonous. Sanctum's promo seemed promising in terms of a concept and the thrill it could provide.

The first few moments of the film didn't really get me all excited but one look at the cave and I was in a state of shock! The place the entry is beautifully captured! What further piqued my interest throughout the movie was the way the locations were shot and the lighting. While the movie didn't quite have the pace that I would expect such an adventure film to have, it did showcase the pace of what could be a real underwater adventure.

The movie scores high in showcasing the adventurous human spirit and the thrills it seeks, the passion of someone to do something they really want to, the madness that makes us who we are and sometimes even tips us over the edge. For all of this and the stunning visual appeal, the movie is a must see. On the flipside, I don't think the movie should have been in 3D at least for Indian audiences given the shoddy quality of glasses available at the cinemas. Also, if at all the movie should have been 2D only or made to IMAX format for the experience that it could provide to the viewer. Except for the scene when the group takes their dive to escape the gushing water from the store and the last scene where Josh is swimming up looking for his final exit, no other scene creates the 3D impact that it should have as such a movie. The background score could have been a lot more exciting and could have created a higher impact and failed to deliver in most cases leaving me dissatisfied during scenes.

On an overall score, I'd give the movie a 6.5 on 10 purely for the visual appeal and no more. It's not a movie that left me spellbound or made me even discuss it much after it was over unlike several others.

That's all for now. More next weekend with Yeh Saali Zindagi and more!

Back!!!

So after a hiatus of 2 years and 8 months, I am back. and this time with a commitment to myself of being around more often and writing more often and not letting go of this blog no matter what! From random musings to thoughts that take most of my time, to movies I had loved and hated to the times I have spent! Its time to put it all down... its time to look back at this journal and relive some of the best memories that I will have made as this life goes by!

Heres to a verbose yet entertaining and happy compilation of my life as I know it!!

Cheers!

Thoughts of a restless mind

It's 2 am in the night and I just can't sleep. It's no surprise given all the thoughts in my head. I wish there was a turn off button that would automatically stop my head from thinking as much... Anyways, there isn't one and here I am struggling to find the right words and pen down my thoughts.


I miss somethings in life... the way some things were earlier and I want them to be back. I am also happy & thankful that finally somethings are taking shape the way they were always meant to be... And yet in the middle of all this chaos, there lies a perpetual feeling of insecurity - baseless for sure - but present nonetheless. And this chaos sometimes leads to my unstifled imagination running amok and conjuring the most improbable and unthought of stories which I so pray are just those and never a reality. Hoping for the future I have envisioned for so long... :) and on that note, "tout de la fruit" everyone (as Joey puts it in his version of the french language).

Bye & Good Night.

TuT Says...

Did you know there are planets "out there" with intelligent life, where if, suddenly, one of "their own" began demonstrating your brand of emotional courage and grit, Megha, they'd be in all the tabloids, receive lucrative endorsements, and have their own talk show?

Yeah, you're one tough cookie -
The Universe

Am I? I don't think so... not right now.

TUT says...

One of the most stringent conditions all angels must meet, Megha, other than double-advanced harp playing and skydiving abilities (not necessarily at the same time), is that they must not allow themselves to feel hurt or rejected by the choices made by others, no matter how much they've done for them nor how great their love.

Yeah, WOW.
The Universe

Once more, how do you do it...? And while I do believe you when you say that this is the case with me, it's just so hard to take. Thanks for the WOW anyways :) You did bring a smile to my face, so what if it was accompanied by a couple of tears....It's totally worth it.

TUT says...

All you have to do, Megha, is think about what you want often enough that you start talking about it and moving with it, even if you have to fake it.

Megha, your job is simple. Even if you only "attempt" to do it, you will have done it. The slightest effort on your side is leveraged 10,000 times on my side. A nod, a wink, a whisper are sometimes all I need; a demonstration that breaks the ice, beginning a domino effect of happy "accidents" and "coincidences."

If you do this, I'll do the rest. It is that easy. I am that powerful. Life is that magical.

Thinking of your smile,
The Universe

This is God sent... How else can you tell me exactly what I need to hear? Thanks!